Saturday, September 26, 2009

I'm Still here!

It feels like I've been gone so long! I got so many messages asking where I am, and instead of replying to each one, I'm just going to make a post.
I'm Backkk <3
I had H1N1 (Swine flu). It was absolutely horrible. Probably the sickest I've been in years. But I'm glad I'm finally better :).
Food wise, I've not been doing so well on either. My mom practically force-fed me for the past couple of weeks. I had so many emotional break downs over eating...that my mom took my computer & phone away and made me sit at the table until I ate everything on my plate, most days it took hours. She said I needed my "Rest". Of course she didn't know that every day she went to work, my boyfriend came over. So at least I wasn't completely isolated.
Went to the doctor this morning and he said I'm doing wayy better.
So I can get back to my life.!
Starting restricting tomorrow. (300 Cals Max)
Hopefully my mom will be off my back since I'm going to my dad's house for a few weeks.
Update tomorrow.
Hope everything is going good with you guys<3.

P.S. Picture update. I cut my hair. Im not really wild about it, but It's definitely easier to straighten.


Friday, September 18, 2009


It's friday, finally!
I've been sick since Monday and not able to make it school, which means of course, I HAD to eat.
My mom was watching me like crazy. If I got up to get a glass of water she would ask me "want anything to eat?". And like always, I would say no. But as it gets later she realizes I have had nothing. Sooo...she brings the food to me :/.
Yes, food. A LOT of food.
 I told her I wasn't hungry and of course she sat there until I started to eat. Once she was gone I considered throwing it in the trash. No luck there, she took my trash can and put it in my brother's room.
So not a good couple days. I'm thinking I had about 1200-1500 calories each day, which is way higher than my original goal of 400 each day.
But, tomorrow I'm FREE. My mom is going out of town for the weekend. :) Good and bad. Bad because that means I have the house all to myself, which almost always leads to binging. Fortunately, no one went shopping recently, so no trigger foods in the house.

Weight today: 101. ughh :(
Goal tomorrow: 200 cal.

Hope everything is going well for you guys!


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Goodbye WordPress!

As I promised I have moved from WordPress to Blogger since many of you seem to have had problems linking to my blog.
Although most of you already know me, here is an overview for those who don't.
Beginning at the age of eight until just a couple of years ago I suffered from bulimia. At the time, I was unaware of the risks of purging so it became a daily habit, and sometimes even a 'hobby'. This occurance stopped my freshman year of high school after my doctor (a very close friend of my mom's) said that if I didn't stop purging immediately I would have a high risk of Cardiac arrhythmia, which in most cases results in cardiac arrest. So I did. I gained a fear of throwing up that I still have today and will (hopefully) have for the rest of my life.
I maintained my weight of 110 pounds (at 5'0) for about two months and slowly fell into anorexia. I restricted until I was eating a minimum of 100 calories a day which led to losing 5 or more pounds a week.
In July 2008, I was forced to go to Renfrew (an eating disorders center) in my hometown. I quickly gained back up to 120. But within only a few weeks of being home I relapsed, 'starving' myself to 100 pounds (which im at now).
I don't plan to recover anytime soon ( if ever ). I love the feel of my bones and the high of not eating. I want ever last bit of fat off of me, and I will succeed (: